My new book Transforming Pain Into Power: The Story of North Wales Recovery Communities contains a number of Personal Stories, which I wrote after multiple interviews with the story subjects. Below is just a small part of one of those Stories, which focuses on the early part of Kevin Morris’s recovery.
As Housing Manager at Penrhyn House, Kevin plays a key role in North Wales Recovery Communities (NWRC). His management skills, demonstrated in so many ways, are the backbone to the residential component of this exciting peer-led recovery initiative. Kevin’s Story is enthralling: a rugby career which saw him on the edge of being selected for the England rugby squad… until a failed drug test. A serious drinking problem which led to the loss of two marriages, his children, and a highly paid job. Benders all over Europe, leading to waking up in custody cells in various European cities. Homelessness, multiple hospital admissions, and an attempt to take his own life. And then:
‘In the past, I had admitted to myself that I was a drinker and drug user, but I thought that someone else had done this to me. It was someone else’s fault. There was no ownership of the problem, and when there is no ownership there is no responsibility. And when there is no responsibility, there is no accountability. When I left hospital after being in the resuscitation ward, I started to become more accountable to myself.’
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‘4. Journey into Recovery
During one of those hospital admissions in 2010, I met Huw Harries, the Founder of AGRO. I was living in a homeless hostel in Holyhead on Anglesey at the time, a place that the Community Mental Health Team had found for me. Huw was a drug and alcohol worker for CAIS, and his job was to meet potential clients in the community and offer them support. CAIS’s most common form of support for people with a drinking problem was to suggest that they kept a drinks diary. A bit silly really, since when is a person with a drinking problem going to be honest about how many drinks they have drunk that day? I questioned Huw about the effectiveness of using a drink diary to help people, and he agreed with me that it was problematic.
Huw told me that he had set up an organisation called AGRO which would give people with a substance use problem the opportunity to talk with like-minded individuals outside the normal working hours of treatment services. He also talked about the advantages of going out walking and being at one with nature. I really liked these ideas and told Huw so. He suggested that I join the AGRO group in Holyhead.
There were only a couple of people at that first meeting, and numbers remained low for such gatherings for a while. However, what struck me was the fact that people were talking about things to which I could relate. I wasn’t the only person who was experiencing drug and/or alcohol-related problems. We had experiences, thoughts, and feelings in common. Things like low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. I soon started to want to help other people in the room. And as I started to share my feelings and thoughts as a way to relate to other people, I realised that I was ‘giving back’. I was also feeling good about that. My involvement in the group also made me feel part of something. This was the initial seed for my interest and desire to find long-term recovery.
Years later, the one thing that I preach to the guys leaving Penrhyn House is that the best thing they can do for their recovery in the long-term is to constantly keep giving back. Even though they might not think it’s of much benefit to them personally—just benefitting other people—it is a massive benefit to them.
These early group experiences in Holyhead were not only giving me a sense of belonging, but also a sense of hope. They were making me feel good. This was almost the polar opposite of what I had experienced when I was growing up. I had no emotional connection with my parents because they were preoccupied with their work. Now, I was connecting with people and my emotions, and learning more about the latter. I felt a massive sense of achievement in giving back to others and learning about myself. The connections with these other people and the sense of belonging I experienced were very different to the connections I had previously with my drinking associates. I didn’t connect with my rugby team members, because when I was playing the game, I was always in my own head, my own zone.
Being part of the AGRO group helped me see an alternative to the chaos and pain of my previous life. My friendship with Huw grew and my outlook on life changed dramatically. I reflected on my rock bottom, where I had lost jobs, cars, children, and wives… and pride, self-esteem, and confidence. I became increasingly involved in AGRO, eventually becoming a co- ordinator of volunteering and taking over running the AGRO group in Holyhead. However, the first eight months in that role involved a lot of waiting for people to turn up.’
Kevin is on the right side at the front of the above photograph, alongside James Deakin.