‘… to support those that experience problems we need to understand them as people first and foremost: what drives the inner experience of use of drugs and alcohol, what drives change and how people not only identify a different kind of life, but also how they sustain it in light of obstacles and setbacks.’ Phil Harris
Hi, my name is Martin Smyth. I am a 45-year old from Dublin, Ireland. I was born with various complications, including an addiction to benzodiazepines and an untreated drug withdrawal. My Mum was very traumatised due to being adopted to the workhouses established by the Catholic Church. My father was already a married man and had little or no interest in me.
My mother was also an alcoholic. She overdosed many times and tried to kill herself through a variety of ways. I witnessed many. Two things stand out. First, I arrived back at home with my babysitter and the house was on fire with my mum inside. She had swallowed an overdose of drugs, and put a bag of coal on the fire and around the wooden floors. Second, I once saw some self-harm fresh scarring on her arms—it said, ‘I hate Martin’. I asked about it, but never got an answer. I never got answers, always reactions.
I ran away a lot, and chose to live on the street from age 14 as life was easier and less traumatic. I quickly got involved in crime and class A drugs. I was mad, bad, and dangerous to know. I soon realised that I was powerless and could not control my addiction. I was eventually barred from all drug services and could not get help.
I decided to go to the UK for help! I was then on the streets of London for maybe ten years. All the rehabs had long waiting lists and I could not get a break. I was beyond desperation.
I ended up in jail and was prescribed Buvidal. I established some stability. I was told that I must get to Wales, so my sister booked me a hotel in Bangor. I went to Penrhyn House every day for two weeks, and was then offered a residential place.
NWRC is a game changer. Treatment services and other places just did not work for me! NWRC has a range of programmes and I had to do everything for the first three months. My head was flooded with new connections and various modes of recovery. I engaged in the outside activities, which helped me grow my network of connections. In the past, I had always been disconnected.
Members of staff were like me, through their experience of addiction. For the first time, I had positive role models. And I never have to look far for inspiration, as I am surrounded by it. NWRC’s ‘one size does not fit all’ approach works well, in my opinion, as does their emphasis on giving back.
Some of the good things in my life today are the feeling of ‘being alive’ every day, being connected to humanity, being comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Dealing with trauma in a group setting. Being a functioning member of society and giving back. I love myself now. I have picked up old and new hobbies.
At present, I am on Step 11 with Cocaine Anonymous (CA). I know who I am. I am building a life that I have never experienced. I am 120 days totally medication- and alcohol-free. I have a new loving family and network at NWRC. The list could go on! Most importantly, NWRC and CA have given me the joy of experiencing a life well beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you to all who have helped me on my journey.
You might also like reading the following blog posts focusing on what Phil Harris has to say about addiction and recovery. The above quote is from the first of the two articles.