My parents were very career-oriented and didn’t spend much time with my sister and me whilst we were growing up in Warrington. Our grandparents became our role models. The lack of an emotional connection with my parents defined my upbringing. I first consumed alcohol at a family wedding when I was eight years old.
By the age of 12 or 13, I was drinking alcohol regularly with older boys. My parents were too busy to realise what was going on, even when I came home very drunk, so I faced no consequences.
I was playing for a club rugby union team as a prop forward when I was 13 years old. I was very highly strung and found playing rugby to be a great way of channelling my anger and frustration. However, a few years later my aggression manifested itself outside of game time and I was involved in numerous scuffles. I was threatened with expulsion from school several times, but it never happened. I was too valuable to the school rugby team, and I excelled academically. I later obtained a university degree in computer science.
In my early 20s, I was introduced to cocaine, and my drug use and drinking started to take a grip on my life. At the same time, my rugby career progressed really well. I played for my county (Cheshire) and was invited to a trial for the England team. I performed really well, but had to do a medical before proceeding to a further trial. I failed a drug test for cocaine. Not only was my dream of playing for England shattered, I was dropped by my county.
I continued playing for my club, but then suffered a horrific knee injury. I later ignored medical advice, suffered another serious injury, and was told my rugby playing career was over.
Drinking took a total grip on my life. I lost a highly paid job when caught drinking at work. I lost another job and my wife left me. I married again, and we had two daughters, but my drinking and cocaine use continued unabated.
Over a ten-year period, I appeared in court and received suspended sentences for involvement in various ‘scuffles’. I went on benders, and woke up in custody cells in various European cities. There were never any serious consequences following my actions. I believe my violence was related to the fact that I welcomed physical pain, as it deflected from my ongoing psychological pain.
When my second marriage broke down, I was admitted to a mental health hospital as I had tried to kill myself. I was homeless after being released. I had multiple hospital admissions and tried to kill myself a number of times. During one resuscitation, I had a strange experience which helped me realise that I had to change.
I met Huw Harries, the Founder of AGRO, whilst I was living in a homeless hostel in Holyhead, and a friendship blossomed. I became involved in various AGRO activities and the impact of working with the organisation, and helping other people, gave me a sense of purpose. I stopped thinking about ‘Me’, and started to think about, and help, other people. My motivation to change increased.
During this time, I fell in love with climbing, and found solace in the mountains. I climbed all around Europe and further afield. I spent a good deal of time outdoors in Wales connecting with nature, which had a huge positive impact on me.
After joining the Board of AGRO, I met James Deakin and we became firm friends. I was now working at the Citizen’s Advice Bureau, but the job was going to end because of a lack of funding. James told me about his plans for developing a recovery community, which excited me, and later offered me a job. The rest is history.