Some of you will know that I became interested in the trauma healing field after reading Judy Atkinson’s amazing book Trauma Trails: Recreating Song Lines – The Transgenerational Effects of Trauma in Indigenous Australia. I started following the activities of We Al-li, the organisation set up by Judy and her daughter Carlie. We Al-li provides a Culturally Informed Trauma Integrated Healing Approach (CITIHA) to training for individuals, families, communities and organisations.
Over the weekend, I noticed a powerful post on Facebook from Carlie, who is CEO of We Al-li. I found her words deeply moving and really inspiring. I asked Carlie if I could share her words here and she agreed. Her original post included beautiful symbols which I haven’t used here as they screwed up my formatting. Here are Carlie’s words:
‘I am proud of myself.
In my work, I am required to articulate ideas, make sense of information for others, and speak in ways that connect and resonate. But something that many people don’t know is that I have dyslexia and this has been a lifelong challenge. I’ve found ways to thrive regardless, but the reality is, dyslexia doesn’t just affect reading and writing, it can also make verbal communication difficult, especially under stress.
Dyslexia can impact:
- Word retrieval – Struggling to find the right word, leading to pauses or using placeholders like “thing” or “you know.”
- Mixing up words – Mispronouncing or switching words, especially when speaking quickly or under pressure. I am famous in some circles for my mixed metaphors and “newly” created words!
- Organising thoughts – Finding it hard to structure sentences or explain things in a linear way. I sometimes talk in circles or feel i am talking backwards.
- Mental fatigue – Language processing can be exhausting, particularly in high-pressure situations – sometimes this results into me going into a flight – fight – freeze – appease mode when this happens.
- Procrastination – Particularly around written material. I can write well, sometimes beautifully but other times, the words just won’t allow themselves to flow coherently, no matter how hard I try. I also have to create a particular environment to write, i.e. I take myself away on writing retreats.
- Perfectionism – Not feeling my writing is good enough, so I edit, re-edit, re-read over and over again… feeling shame… just like I have done with this post by adding this point!
Despite this, I have chosen a career that requires both a lot of writing and public speaking, two areas where I have struggled. I have taken this challenge on, and I continue to show up. Adding to this, as a young child, I had an extremely traumatic experience with public speaking, something that has taken me years to unpack. And yet, here I am, continuing to challenge myself.
What makes this even harder is that when I struggle to articulate something or find the right words, it can sometimes be negatively interpreted by others. I’ve been made to feel less than because of my communication challenges, or held to account as if I’m somehow not living up to what’s expected of an Associate Professor, a friend, a colleague, a CEO, a Dr, or a “leader” as some peoples see me.
These moments can be frustrating, painful, and isolating. But they also remind me why I do this work, because the systems we exist in were not built for everyone, and they often fail to recognise different ways of thinking, knowing, and expressing. What I do know is I deeply care, with every part of my being, if this impacts on people negatively, to the point of complete shut down from me for feeling so badly about it and wanting to find the words to explain myself better. BUT… I also see it as my superpower, I can see things outside boxes and it also requires me to “deeply listen”.
So why am I sharing this? Because this year, I am leaning into my vulnerabilities as part of my healing. It takes courage to be vulnerable, and there is strength in that.
If sharing this encourages even one person to embrace their challenges within this neurotypical system, to be kind to themselves, or to step into their own courage, then it’s worth it.
Here’s to growth, to healing, to diversity and to showing up anyway. ‘